Getting out of the rut

My room is finally clean. And not fake clean; I actually went through everything and organized and didn't let myself just pile things into crap drawers. I got some new storage pieces but I'm already packed to the brim. But that isn't a problem.....yet.

This rain is killing me. It's not even cool rain, like a tropical storm. It's gloomy drizzle, and it's been non-stop for days. No wonder people are grumpy here.

I think cleaning my room is always a big step to upping my productivity- I mean, it already got me to blog about it!

But seriously, life is much easier when you aren't tip-toeing around your room to avoid crap and when it doesn't take an hour to find anything. Phase two of this rut-getting-out-of will be getting back into a practice routine. And then regular gym-ing. And then starting some projects- learning to read German and familiarizing myself with the standard quartet repertoire that I'll be coaching this summer. Blah.

This month has really flown by. I'm kind of disappointed about that. But maybe I really did need the break. And all I can do now is look forward.

At what point did I become lame?

I've been sitting around the house for two weeks. I have a hard time remembering what day it is. I alternate playing Sims and watching The O.C. My room is a complete mess. All of my clothes are dirty. I can't practice because I hurt my deltoid at an exercise class. Because it actually required moving, and apparently my body was not ok with that.

When did I lose my desire to do things? Is this what getting old is? Or am I just super lazy?

I guess it's a good sign that I have realized how lame I am. And I want to change. Which is a small step. Getting out of a lazy rut is really hard. But I think I can do it. Just now right now.

Blunt?

I have really run out of ways to avoid my paper. So many that I am writing in my blog instead. I know, right? Crazy.

Over the years I've had many people tell me that I'm blunt, that I "tell it like it is," that I'm really honest. They say they like that about me, but it always takes me by surprise. I do an enormous amount of filtering before I say things. If people think I'm honest, even to the point of making people uncomfortable, they should hear what goes on in my mind! Which isn't to say I'm a negative person- I'm really not. I just notice and analyze things. It's how my brain works. I like to think about how things could be improved. I like to think critically about things and people. And I don't have a problem sharing it with people, even if it risks alienation. I don't see the point in agreeing with people to fit in. Why should I have to say I enjoyed a recital that I didn't enjoy? Why should I pretend I like someone? And it's one of those things where people only notice when it's negative, or at least only keep track of those. I very often express appreciation for things, but I guess that isn't controversial, so no one remembers.

It doesn't bother me that people think this, other than I certainly don't like it when I hurt people's feelings. It's hard to find a balance of honesty and tact. But I think a lot of problems could be solved more quickly and with less heartache if people were just honest.

It is interesting that even polite ways of expressing dislike such as "I didn't care for it" or "it's not for me" still make people uncomfortable. Do people really need that validation? If you truly like something, just like it. We shouldn't have to justify it and shouldn't be threatened when others don't agree.

This probably came off as terribly blunt and or mean and or hateful or whatever. But it's how I feel, and I'll stand by it.